This article is a part of The Complete Guide to Dealing with your Mother-in-law – Chapter One
The relationship between a Mother-in-law and a Daughter-in-law is quite a complicated one. The relationship differs from culture to culture.
A Western mother-in-law is generally quite practical, respects boundaries, is more formal and detached to you. While an Asian mother-in-law is emotionally driven, dependant on her son, intrusive and involved in your life.
What remains common is the fact that whether Western or Asian, they are “mothers” first. They have given birth to your husband, brought him up, cared for him, sacrificed for him and definitely more experienced than you are. Having a decent mother-in-law is a real fortune. But not everyone’s fortunate enough to get one. If you have a tough mother-in-law, you have a challenge ahead of you.
Let’s make an attempt to understand the difficult mother-in-law
Deep down, difficult and tough mother-in-laws are women with less confidence and a very low self-esteem. They are not emotionally independent; they depend on their sons for their emotional needs.
- This mindset is what really makes them feel insecure and threatened once their son is married. You; an entirely new person in her life is now occupying a primary position in her son’s life! She now has to give up the leading role in her son’s life. It isn’t easy.
- This leads her to fear losing her son.
- From there, jealousy crops up inside her. She burns to see you and your husband happy. She starts finding faults in you. She starts criticizing you. She hates to respect your private life with your husband.
- Out of jealousy, she over intrudes in your marriage and wishes to know every detail of your relationship. The lesser attention she gets from her son, the more possessive, bitter and intrusive she becomes.
- Over protectiveness and obsession over her son makes her nag and give unwanted advice all the time.
- Wanting to have a powerful position at home and in her son’s life makes her dominate you.
Now, there are ways to save yourself from her wrath. You can win her with love or war. But if your husband too is a mamas-boy, you are in a big mess and chances of a happy marriage are less than zero. This is why most of the Indian marriages suffer. Because Indian guys are very much attached to their mothers.
Hence, your husband’s support is primary. However, even with your husband’s support, you can’t completely win over your mother-in-law, there should be an active role from your side too.
Head on to the next chapter, to see the possible challenges of a daughter-in-law and some of her mistakes that may lead to a bad marriage.