This is a part of The Complete Guide to Dealing with your Mother-in-law – Chapter Ten

Giving respect to your mother-in-law definitely helps you in the long run no matter how unfair she is with you. Deep down she has a constant fear and insecurity about the relationship with her son. And that fear is what manifests as jealousy, complaining, criticism, etc. If you take the effort to make her feel loved, she will feel comfortable with you too! Remember that building a relationship with her is quite a task and you need to have patience with her. Giving her the attention she wants can make her feel happy and positive. Here are some tips on how to make her feel important, respected and loved.

1.    Get to know about her marriage and family:

Ask her questions about her past (without being intrusive or judgemental) and get to know her experiences. She has lived almost half of her life and she isn’t necessarily worthless. Those experiences can not only help you create a friendship with your mother-in-law but also help you grow and learn too.

2.   Compliment her:

Don’t wait to compliment her when she’s wearing a gorgeous dress or when she has cooked a delicious dish. They love it when you appreciate their efforts. Give a smile and genuinely compliment her. Have a little talk about the details of the dress/dish.

3.   Go out together:

Go on a walk with her to a mall or for a casual stroll. Spend some time by sharing jokes, or some harmless family gossips. If she gets into a lecturing mode, divert her attention and talk about something else.

4.   Send her gifts:

It’s not just your spouse who’s worthy of gifts on his birthday or your anniversary. Build your relationship with your mother-in-law by making her feel great. Gift her something she loves. It helps you connect with her more easily.

5.   Ask her for advice occasionally:

Yes, I know that you are fed up with the constant advice she gives you, but she isn’t worthless after all. She had raised 3 kids, cooked about a hundred varieties of food and managed her own mother-in-law. You can make her feel important by asking her occasional tips on cooking/cleaning, etc.

6.   Don’t compete with her:

Your husband is her son first. Although I agree that your husband’s first priority should be ‘you’, please consider the fact that the old woman is his mom. Competing on your husband’s attention and time with her is seriously unfair and can hurt her beyond your imagination. Let her spend time with her son and let them go out if you want them to. Don’t stick to your husband 24 X 7. Give them some privacy.

Deep down she has a constant fear and insecurity about the relationship with her son. And that fear is what manifests as jealousy, complaining, criticism, etc. If you take the effort to make her feel loved, she will feel comfortable with you too! Remember that building a relationship with her is quite a task and you need to have patience with her. Giving her the attention she wants can make her feel happy and positive. Here are some tips on how to make her feel important, respected and loved.

 

Go back to The Complete Guide to Dealing with your Mother-in-law 

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