When Charlotte Yorks confides in Miranda Hobbes in the movie Sex and the City regarding her guilty conscience for feeling acutely frustrated with her twin daughters, we instantly catch a glimpse of the unfortunate mother caught amidst the confusing web of natural motherly affection and a repelling surge of discontent.
Motherhood, the term itself exudes a myriad of coveted emotions: tenderness, protection and also sacrifice. A mother undergoes a complete metamorphosis going through the birth process of her child. The occasion invariably calls forth heartfelt celebration and yet at times, the mother fails to exult in the arrival of her newborn.
There can be several ways a forlorn mother expresses the musings of her troubled mind:
The pricking sense of a mom: I do not like my child
Jennifer Rabiner alarmingly admits how the antagonistic behavior of her first born repelled her. “She would not make eye contact, she’d scream, wouldn’t answer direct questions”, Jennifer complains. Jennifer had desired an expressive, healthy child fond of socializing and Sophi’s reluctance aroused bitterness in her.
Hence, the probable worm eating away the purity of the sacred bond was:
- The mother’s preconceived surmising of her would-be child.
- Her ignorance of the fact that her child need not meet her expectations. She marveled at her own uniqueness.
- The effect of not liking the child can be irreparable. The mother has to comprehend that it’s not the child’s fault that she/he could not match up to her expectations.
- Once the mother acknowledges this fact, her child would become bearable to her.
Failure to tackle
“I’m feeling so low… I do not love my child anymore” confesses a disturbed mother. Her reasons were valid; her child would kick her taking turns at night, would not even let her take a bath and had in a nutshell made life unbearable for her.
Here, the obvious causes would be:
- The mother had been mentally unprepared for the pregnancy and accordingly fumbled about with the commitments rearing normally demands.
- Fear of being criticized for harboring negative feeling had perhaps prevented her from trying other alternatives.
- A nanny can be arranged for that difficult phase.
- A holiday can be booked for diversion.
- The father can be consulted to share some responsibility.
Withholding affections: I resent my child
A mother recounts, “My son, reminded me of the two face of Batman” implying how her son would drive her crazy with total denial of every word she blurted even sheepishly but transform magically into a witted, obedient angel in the company of her teachers. She seethed with repressed anger, despair and felt agonized for distancing herself away from her son.
The causes ranged from:
- An overlooked history of autocratic parents the mother had would have probably turned off the normal bonding and made the mother cringe at the idea of intimacy.
- Regular avoidance of tending the child at infancy.
- Encourage the child taking into consideration his needs.
- Appreciate his small achievements.
- Avoid stooping to a squabble.
According to the educational psychologist, Gaynor Sbuttoni, as a parent, a mom should come second when the situation concerns her child. The nurturing might call for varied untoward situations but the mom needs to realize that it’s not a power game, and the loser here is ultimately she no matter whoever wins.
A stepmother wails, “I hate my stepkids”
However, a step child is a different game altogether, and a mother, in this case, has to forcefully traverse a long, undestined journey that only fate decides.
There are several incidents that gruesomely narrate accounts of hostility between stepmom and child. Some even boiling up to comments as “I hate my stepkids.” There can be misgivings at both ends. But, the focus of discussion should not be a critical estimation of such cases; rather an earnest endeavor to minimize or erase the problem.
Hence, the sought after suggestions would be:
- Don’t attempt to be the kid’s biological mother. Appreciate the fact that a child takes times to overcome the loss of his/her biological parent.
- Be a friend first. Try to understand your step child, his likes and dislikes and only when the bond has matured, you may set your own priorities.
Pregnancy and its associated events normally make a mother tackle with a host of unfathomed circumstances. Along with the enormous responsibility of nourishing the new baby, she has to simultaneously regain stability both mentally and physically. Consequently, it takes a toll on her, and the utmost negative vibe is discontent.
However, if there’s a will, there’s a way, the saying goes. Thus, buck up, summon all your lost vigor, and you’ll see it’s never too late.