I feel there’s no such thing as “made for each other”. People have unique and diverse mindsets. A happy couple is never synonymous to a perfect couple; Instead, it’s just two diverse and different persons complimenting each other and enjoy differences. Happy couples create love. They love to compromise and take responsibility. Here are 13 things happy couples do differently than the rest.
1. They make sure they are good friends
Before they get into the roles of being a husband & wife, they make sure they have a great friendship together. Without friendship between couple, a marriage is likely to fall, sooner or later. Happy couples cheer& support each other, laugh and have fun, just like friends do. They make sure life isn’t on an auto-pilot.
2. They have great physical intimacy:
Apart from sex, research has proved that happy and long-lasting couples touch each other with affection and intimacy. They feel more connected by use non-sexual touches, affectionate gestures and gentle words.
Some gestures of non-sexual intimacy would be:
- Kiss on forehead, cheeks
- 30-second hug (also known to release oxytocin, which reduces stress)
- Stroking hair, Holding hands while walking
- Praising and appreciation
- Speaking softly in the ear
- Snuggling on a sofa while watching a movie etc.
Sex is important, great and fun! But if your only place where both display intimacy is by getting naked in your bedroom, you probably have to change a few things in your marriage.
3. They focus on ‘solving a problem’ instead of ‘winning the argument’
Many times, egoistic behaviour interrupts when there’s a heated discussion going on. Our minds are quite tempted to put the other person down. But happy couples make sure their discussion focuses on “solving the problem”
They know that winning an argument will only pave way to more bitterness and hurt, to both the couple.
4. They surprise each other
Happy couples understand that relationships needs effort, time and attention.
They make a significant effort to create a spark when relationships get monotonous and dull. They surprise each other from time to time, and most importantly, they don’t it because they “have” to do it. Happy couples don’t feel bound. They take the responsibility of making their love last.
5. They give personal space to their spouses
One of the biggest mistakes many couples do is that they strangle their spouses by not letting them breathe. Good couples make sure their beloved has some space where he can catch up with his/her family, hangout with their friends, pursue a hobby etc. They don’t get overly dependent and possessive.
6. They listen
The first sign of success is determined by how well you listen. Stubborn people usually don’t allow the other to speak & careless people don’t bother to hear what someone’s trying to tell you. But a well-behaved and good person listens. They try to analyze what the other person’s trying to say, without any judgement. Happy couples listen more to each other, and talk less rubbish.
7. They believe what you give is what you get
One motto of happy couples is “What you give is what you get” Give respect, love, full attention and you receive the same. Disrespect, act jealous and magnify every little thing and you get a negative response from the spouse.
8. They have goals together
Getting deeply connected with a spouse gets easy when they have goals together and that’s what happy couples make sure. They enjoy the journey of pursuing their goals together rather than cry or daydream about the end result. And that brings me to the next point.
9. They don’t play the blame-game
Having goals together means sharing responsibilities & work loads. Sometimes, one of the couple may go wrong. After all, we are all human, and we make mistakes. But happy couples don’t blast their spouse by blaming them for a mistake. They accept the situation and focus on what needs to be done. They make sure that they don’t put their spouse down, at any cost. They gently make the other aware of their mistake only if there’s an important lesson to be learnt.
10. They practice ‘Presence of Mind’
We all know that we have to tame our anger and not let our emotions rule us. But when the situation comes, we lose control. And then we blame, yell, argue to win, lose our focus and get into a mess. But happy couples are a little different here. They make sure they practice patience and presence of mind by leading a healthy lifestyle, meditation and staying stress free. They habituate themselves to think before they speak/react.
11. They love themselves first
There’s a saying: If you aren’t happy with yourself, you cannot be happy with someone else. We all project our emotions out into the world. Many people try to fill a gap and achieve happiness from a relationship, which is impossible. Relationships are neither a source of happiness nor unhappiness, but you are! Happy couples are happy because they love themselves. They don’t look for an external solution (Eg: marriage) to an internal problem (Eg: their unhappiness)
12. They accept each other
If you are married, then you are likely to be irritated by some of the traits of your spouse. Many couples try to change their spouses and this is where the problems start. But intelligent couples accept their spouses as they are. They cherish differences. They don’t force people to change. The bottom line is; if you dislike something, its your perspective, not a defect of your spouse.
13. They are realistic
Love is not about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off. It’s about being with a person who makes you happy in a way nobody else can. – Unknown
Happy couples are extremely practical with realistic expectations. They dont daydream a fantasy novel-romance and later get disappointed because they never received it. They focus on leading a memorable journey of life together, while learning about life and love, rather than getting upset that their lover proposed in a restaurant and not on a hilltop with lots of fog around.
What do you say? Would you say you are a happy couple? Feel free to comment.