Marriage is a complicated journey. Having a strong marriage becomes even more of a challenge after a little one is born. In this article, we have 17 moms share who share their valuable tips and advice for a strong marriage after baby. Thank you, beautiful moms!
#1. Scarlet Paolicchi – Family Focus Blog
“I would say that a having a baby is a huge blessing but it is an incredible life changing event. Be patient and supportive of each other as you get used to new needs and new patterns. Be considerate and understanding as you work together to create the best situation for baby and for yourselves.
I think that the birth of a baby brings the couple closer together in one way but sometimes you can feel further apart as you try to juggle the needs of a third person. It is important to take time to nurture your own relationship with your partner even if it is in the little ways. Try to do extra special things that show your partner you care and you haven’t forgotten them even if it is just snuggling and talking while the baby is napping.
It is all a balancing act in the beginning as you get used to new routines that constantly change as the baby grows. Try to remember that enjoy each moment!”
#2. Susan M. Heim – SusanHeim.com
The next time your spouse irritates you by throwing his clothes on the floor or forgetting to pick up milk on the way home, hold a picture of your partner with your child in your mind. Think about how she lovingly tucks your baby into bed at night. Consider how enormous his hands look on your baby’s tiny little back. Think about being a family. Know that being together and loving each other are far more important than the minor infractions we’re all guilty of. Love your partner for who he or she is: your baby’s parent. Remember, you chose each other for a reason.
Once the baby is born, resurrect some of the activities you once shared as a couple. Make it a priority to spend at least one hour together after your child goes to bed. Don’t wander off to do separate activities. Share a cup of tea, watch a movie together, or work on a puzzle. Make this time together a necessary part of your schedule each day. You’ll soon be looking forward to this special time!
Make a list of the things you’ll lose when you become a parent. Will you be seeing fewer movies? Not spending as much time with your friends? Giving up a favorite hobby? Compare lists with your partner. Cross off the things you’ll miss least and keep the one or two things that really mean the most to you. Then work out ways in which you can continue these activities after the baby arrives. Coming to agreement about these things will help diminish any guilt you’ll feel at leaving your partner to care for the baby. And you’ll feel more fulfilled knowing that you don’t have to give up all of the activities that you enjoy.
Extract from the book “Oh, Baby! 7 Ways a Baby Will Change Your Life the First Year“
#3. Leila Brenner – Life as Leels
I think the biggest piece of advice for a strong marriage after a baby is to remember to take time for each other. After a baby, you get so caught up in being a parent and taking care of the baby that you forget to take time for each other. Make sure you and your spouse go out for a date at least monthly if not bi-weekly, or even weekly if possible. Take time to still date each other. Having a baby will change everything about the dynamic of your relationship. If you don’t take time to keep your bond strong, you’ll start to forget what made your relationship strong from the start. I really can’t stress enough how important it is to spend time together away from the baby. Even if it’s just once a month for an evening, the chance to connect and enjoy adult activities and conversation keeps the romance alive and the relationship strong. Enlist the help of a family member in watching the baby or spend some time looking for one great babysitter you trust with your little one. The connection you forge with your partner as a result of having time alone together is well worth the hassle and will help ensure a strong, healthy marriage! One tip I would give all moms for a strong marriage after baby would be to always make time for yourself. Having a baby takes hard work and is a huge time commitment, but that doesn’t mean that we should forget about who we were before babies. When we are feeling our best, it shows in our attitude and the way we treat our spouse. The first months (or maybe years!) after a new baby can be pretty difficult for any marriage, especially if you have a colicky baby or aren’t getting enough sleep. It can be really easy to take out your stress and irritation on your spouse, and you need to take a breather and remember that this too will pass. A lot of crabby and mean-spirited thoughts can come out of one’s mouth when you are getting waken up in the middle of the night for the second or third time. One thing I remember thinking to myself in one of those moments is that if you’re angry in the middle of the night to table that conversation until the morning, when you are both more well rested and can talk things out. The baby and toddler years really do fly by, but hopefully your marriage will last much longer. Kids have a way of bringing you together and driving you apart. Only your spouse can fully share in your awe of those special, small moments — your daughter singing in her first school concert, your toddler scribbling his first work of “art.” And yet the stress of bringing up tiny humans can cause resentment and exhaustion that can drive a wedge between any couple. It’s easy to think you’re the one doing all the work, making all the sacrifices, whether you’re a stay-at-home spending hours doing laundry and wiping runny noses, or a working parent who comes home from a 10-hour day and then has to bathe twin toddlers intent on drenching your new suit in bath water. My one tip would be to remember that you’re partners, and that just because you don’t always see what your spouse is doing, chances are it’s just as exhausting and draining as whatever you’re doing. Your spouse may not have woken up for a 7 a.m. breakfast meeting, but maybe he was up all night doing the “hidden” work of researching affordable birthday party venues for your three-year-old (a task that, trust me, can take hours). Avoid making a mental “balance sheet” of who does what and trust in your partnership. You’ll both be a lot happier that way! Make time for yourself and alone time for you and your spouse. It is not impossible, if you are breastfeeding, pump extra milk, hire a sitter. One or two hours out will not hurt you or baby, with mine, I had family watch baby and during that time out, baby slept during the dates we had and never knew we were even gone. Proactively and concretely support each other to continue doing the things that make you happy (and maybe even contribute to society!) beyond being a wife, husband, or parent. For example, every Sunday my husband and I sit down with our electronic calendars and talk out the events we want to go to (either alone or together), and the time we will need to work on our own things (such as me with my blogs). We schedule those items, and also schedule time together as a family. Because of this, my husband has been able to continue volunteering (which he loves) while still being a great father, and I have been able to keep my career, websites, and sanity strong! Make alone time for you and your partner. This does not always have to consist of a date night out alone or hiring a babysitter. My husband and I frequently enjoy a home cooked meal and perhaps some wine and a movie after the kids have gone to bed for the evening. It allows us to reconnect without leaving the house. When you become a Mum, your little bundle of joy becomes your whole world and in many cases your husband or partner can feel like they have lost the woman they married and love. Looking after a baby is hard work as we know and the last thing you feel like doing after a stressful, busy day is having sex. Even time for any form of intimacy seems to go out of the window too! If I could give you one piece of advice it would be to communicate with one another, explain how you are feeling, try to come to terms that Yes, maybe things will not be the same as before the baby, You can no longer throw caution to the wind and do fun things at the drop of a hat like you may have done in the past, but things can still be fun and special. Make time to get dressed up, not only will your husband really appreciate it but it will make you feel like a person again and not just a Mummy. Ask a family member of Friend to give you the night off, even if it is just for a trip to the cinema, this can be fun and romantic too. Hold hands, share popcorn and sit on the back row like teenagers! If you cannot get a baby sitter, plan a date night and recreate a restaurant or cinema environment in your own home. If you keep communicating with your partner and utilise your friends and family for help and support, you can defiantly keep the romance alive in your marriage after a baby. That first year after our twin boys were born, all hands were on deck as we definitely had double duty. Yet, my husband and I knew that having some adult, me-time was important too, so we would give each other little breaks by watching the boys solo while the other could go out for coffee, dinner with friends, etc. However, that meant our time away from the house wasn’t being spent with each other though. Instead, our time together was now limited to caring for our boys, never just the two of us sharing other interests like it was before we became parents. We figured since we see each other every day that we were spending quality time together. We didn’t notice this unintentional separation until later and fortunately we addressed it early. Thus, we started making sure we had time away together with regular date nights out and not just staying at home. Now that the boys are toddlers, it’s also easier for others to take care of them. Fortunately, their grandmother watches our boys now on Friday nights, so we can go to the movies, dinner, etc. This really has allowed us to bond together again as husband and wife, not just mom and dad. Make sure you take time out for each other. Continue the romance! To keep your marriage strong after a baby, you need to make time for yourselves, have a date night, even if you can’t go out, plan a special evening at home (while the baby is sleeping). It is so important to always remember that not only are you parents, your husband and wife too. You need to keep that spark alive! To have a strong marriage after a baby, mutual understanding is the prime necessity. Both husband and wife has to understand that the baby is an equally shared responsibility. Once the mantra is sown deep down in the minds of both, I am sure it will lay the basis of a strong marriage even after a baby. Sleep. And not just any sleep, but uninterrupted sleep. OK, maybe that is wishful thinking. There is one way to get pretty close though. Pick one day a week, normally a weekend for most couples, that you get to sleep in. Even if you have to feed the baby, you still get to stay in bed. My husband has been getting up on Saturdays with our boys since the beginning. He’d bring the baby in to me to be fed and take him away so I could get a few more winks. My husband gets to sleep in on Sundays. This has worked well for us for six years and keeps us semi-sane and from snipping at each there when we are exhausted. After that, regular date nights are definitely important. Pick that night from the get go too. 
#4. Janel Case – A Mom’s Take
#5. Kathryn Lavallee – Mommy Kat and Kids
#6. Crystal Reagan – Simply Being Mommy
#7. Grace Hwang Lynch – Hapa Mama
#8. Meredith Hale- Mommy A to Z Blog
#9. Katie Sexton – Mommy Katie
#10. Lillie Marshall – Around the World L
#11. Marcie Wahrer – Obviously MARvelous
#12. Rachel Hirst – U, Me and the Kids
#13. Tara Settembre – Tara Met Blog
#14. Melissa Pezza – The Mommyhood Chronicles
#15. Kelly Reci – Kelly’s Thoughts on Things
#16. Sangeeta Menon – Bumps n Baby
#17. Keryn – Walking on Travels
#18. Vanessa Bell – De Su Mama
Thanks for compiling this list, and for including me! It’s such an important question.
Thanks again Lillie, for your tips! It was great to have you on our roundup!
Thank you for the feature! I love these idea’s. Now that’s a lot of information to help keep your marriage strong.
Rachel X
Thank you very much, Rachel. It was great to have your inputs!
Thank you Sangeetha, for your valuable tips! Glad you liked the post.