This is a part of The Complete Guide to Dealing with your Mother-in-law – Chapter Two
Like everything in the world, the role of a daughter-in-law comes with a lot of responsibility. As a daughter, you were the princess of your home and maybe the queen sometimes. Every whim and fancy of yours was fulfilled, and your tantrums were accepted. But now, you are a daughter-in-law and suddenly you are expected to be mature, sensible and responsible. Your moves are judged and your words are analysed. This comes with a set of challenges.
You are expected to adjust to your new family rules:
The point is a new family is “new”. They may have their own set of procedures and routines. While you are still given freedom in any decent family, you may not be as free as you were. You have to learn to agree (even if it’s just you and your husband living together). Balance is the key.
You have to learn to deal with other people’s jealousy:
People get jealous of you. They try to provoke your emotions. But if you blast them off right away, you end up being the bad-guy. Your challenge is to learn the art of ignoring people who are bitter of your lifestyle.
You are sometimes criticized:
Criticism inevitably becomes a part of your marriage, usually. It may not be direct, though. It comes disguised in the form of indirect insults, gestures, rude jokes, etc.
You are compared to your husband’s sister. You feel put down sometimes.
Not all mothers-in-law are bad, but remember that blood is thicker than water. She may have no intention to put you down but too much of blabbering about her proud daughter can accidentally end up as a comparison between you and your sister-in-law. These moms love and praise their daughters so much that it can sometimes ruffle a few of your feathers.
You may feel you don’t belong to the family.
Well, that’s tough. You have spent a couple of decades in a completely different family and background, and cultural differences can be pretty significant. Despite all the attempts made by the family, you may still feel like an outsider
You get overwhelming dosage of advice and tips that you have never asked for.
Oh, the protective attitude! You get advice enough to fill a 500 pages book. Tips on housekeeping, parenting, career balance and what not? It can be quite irritating sometimes. A big challenge to daughter-in-laws!
Your mother-in-law may expect you to raise your kids in her way only because she’s more “experienced”
You have a challenge here to convince her. Sooner or later, every woman experiences this issue. But remember that your kids should be your wish.
You have to love yourself more and become emotionally independent.
Loving yourself is not being selfish or arrogant. It’s a sign of strength. You won’t find yourself blaming others at all. The first thing to learn in a marriage is learning to be emotionally independent.
Biggest Mistakes (generally) made by a Daughter-in-law:
- Controlling your husband and making him ignore his mom.
- Complaining a lot to your husband about his mom.
- Criticizing your husband’s upbringing, childhood, etc
- Getting overly defensive with your mother-in-law.
- Restricting your child’s contact with grandparents.
- Badmouthing about your in-laws to your parents.
- Being thin-skinned and overly sensitive.
- Holding long-term grudges with your mother-in-law.
- Digging the past incidents & worrying.
- Complaining about everything to your mom.
These are sure to back fire one day and peace will be lost at home. Remember, being unfair is a sign of failure.