You don’t need a relationship expert to tell you that the relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is the most complicated one. Now…First things first.
Who is this guide for?
This guide is for women who believe they are having a bad relationship with their mother-in-law.
This is specifically for you if you Googled on “How to deal with your mother-in-law”, “Mother-in-law problems”, “I hate my mother-in-law”, “Passive aggressive mother-in-law” etc.
What’s the purpose of this guide?
The main aim of this guide is to help every daughter-in-law with some tips and advice on how to have peace of mind in this complicated relationship.
Research showed that one of the biggest reasons for worry in a marriage is because of the mother-in-law. Constant meddling and nagging not only ruins a DIL’s mind but also things like her marriage, relationship with kids, her peace of mind, productivity at work, etc.
How mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts affect the whole family:
- Firstly, both MILand DIL are filled with bitterness, negativity and hatred.
- The Husband, who is the central part of this relationship, gets very much pressurised from both his mom and his wife. (And usually, he prefers not to take sides, since he loves both.)
- The Father-in-law gets seriously impacted since it hurts to see his wife suffering.
- Constant bickering and nagging leads to an unhealthy environment at home.
- The Children get very much affected when they see their mother and grandmother not getting along well.
- The Sister-in-law (husband’s sister) pities her mom and might turn against the daughter-in-law.
- The Co-sisters (husband’s brother’s wife) get affected with the everyday drama going on at home.
- The Brother-in-law too (Husband’s brother) hates to see his mom suffering and might cause a mess.
- The family and ladies are subject to a lot of gossipamong distant relatives and family members.
- The Health of the in-laws get affected as they are not as young as they used to be.
The bad thing is that mother-in-law problems aren’t just limited to the beginning of marriage. Regardless of how long you have been married, issues can crop up and get worse with time, if not attended to. So the sooner you try to solve them, the better.
An attempt to Understand the typical mother-in-law.
Building a healthy relationship with your mother-in-law is a hard work, there’s no doubt about it. It begins with understanding her, putting yourself in her shoes and dealing with empathy. You’ve got to be patient but it ultimately pays off.
Mistakes & Challenges of a Daughter-in-law
Being a daughter in law comes with its own set of issues. While you now have an excellent husband, beautiful children, nice home and a handsome salary, you also have a woman who is insecure of her life because you are now the head of a family/home that she used to rule.
There are some obvious issues that may crop up from time to time, which have to be dealt carefully. Because little issues snowball into something big and one day, you wake up only to find that your beautiful life is in a mess.
Dealing with jealousy:
When the green-eyed monster raises its head, things get worse. Whether you are dealing with a jealous mother-in-law or your own jealousy, it makes no difference when it comes to ruining relationships. Jealousy comes from insecurity, insecurity comes from a lack of trust, lack of trust. This chapter deals with the root causes of jealousy and how to deal with the monster.
HEAD ON TO CHAPTER THREE
Responding to criticism and comparison
Criticism and comparison can hurt like hell, but they can hurt even more when they come from your mother in law. You need to have great strength to ignore to both. Whether you want to ignore them, respond to them by snapping back, defend yourself verbally, you have got all the tips to deal with it in this chapter
Too much Nagging and Unwanted advice
Mother in-laws love teaching. Over protectiveness and too much care is what makes them give advice you have never asked for. But are you enduring a constant stream of unwanted advice everyday? Too much nagging and bragging can really irk you out. In this chapter, we shall deal with nagging without hurting your mother in law too much.
Drawing boundaries with a difficult Mother-in-law:
Most of the problems can be solved by drawing good boundaries and strong fences across. In this chapter, we shall deal with drawing good boundaries, what to do when you MIL doesn’t respect your boundaries and how to manage other things.
Dealing with a Dominating MIL:
Being dominated is not easy. Many times, people don’t even realise they are dominating you. If your mother in law feels she has a right over your life and takes you for granted, you are sure to be miserable. This chapter shows how you can deal with it cleverly.
The importance of having a job/business
Is a job important for woman? Even if she’s got lot of money, having a career can provide DILs with lot of identity, new friends and can make her earn respect. Read on more in this chapter on why a job is important for a daughter-in-law.
Learning to love yourself:
The main problem with many daughter in-laws is being thin-skinned and extremely sensitive. Low self-esteem can really affect her, even a small suggestion can appear like a criticism. This chapter provides some tips and advice on how to love yourself and raise your self-esteem.
Making your mother-in-law feel respected and loved
She may be possessive, arrogant and rude, but remember that she’s not entirely bad. Dont you think your mother in law deserves some love and respect? Afterall, she has raised the man of your dreams..! This chapter deals with giving your mother in law love and respect.
Building a healthy relationship in each other’s comfort zone:
You may not agree with each other. Your parenting styles may differ, but there should be some common area between you and your mother in law where both of you are comfortable! Start your friendship there!
Joint Family issues:
Living with your mother in law is a night mare to every woman. Living in a joint family can bring 2 times more challenges than a nuclear family. Here are some pros and cons of staying in a joint family.
Are you grateful to your Mother-in-law?
Is there some gratitude left to your mother in law? Often mother in laws are critisized and looked upon as monsters. But when was he last time you’ve been gratefuk to her? If you are asking ‘why should I be grateful?’, then you should definitely read this article.
wow… this is awesome… thanks for sharing… but the irony of my life is I don’t have a MIL, she left for her heavenly abode much before my husband and I got married… people say I am very lucky I don’t have one… as for me, I feel unlucky, because I missed out on such a beautiful relationship… 🙂 Cheers!
Indeed Archana! A mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law relationship is a unique one. Even with a tough mother-in-law, we grow strong and smart. It definitely helps us with our self-esteem.
But we never know what life gives us.
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