Identifying abuse in a marriage

I was surprised that most wives (even well-educated ones) believe that abuse is treating someone with physical violence. Alas! I had to run to my laptop to write this post. Physical violence is only one kind of abuse. Many women go through abusive marriages yet never recognize it. Lets explore the ways that can help us in identifying abuse in a marriage.

NOTE: Sometimes things are done unintentionally. Sometimes things are said keeping your welfare in mind, sometimes thing are done due to frustration. These unintentional things don’t come under abuse. An abuse is something which is done repeatedly, in spite of your requests to stop them.

For example: Your partner might pull your hair in a playfully while you are in a romantic mood, or you might shout at him while you are arguing about something. These things do not come under abuse. But if your partner shouts at you, uses you bad words on you, pulls your hair and makes you feel guilty almost everyday, then you are clearly abused.

Emotional Abuse: While physical abuse victims can clearly prove that they are abused by showing injuries, burns or bruises on their bodies, a victim of emotional abuse has a harder time. Many victims are not even aware that the problems they face come under emotional abuse. Sometimes, they are not taken seriously by the society. Especially in countries like India, women carry on with their lives while secretly enduring the pain of emotional abuse

Some kinds of emotional abuse are:

  • When the other person controls your life by threatening or blaming you.
  • Excessively being dominated by your partner/in-laws.
  • Make you feel guilty for things you have never done.
  • Put you down by insulting.
  • Being extremely jealous and bitter.
  • Saying things like “no one likes you, you are lucky to be a wife of my son.”
  • Accusing you as having affairs when you talk to male friends or relatives.
  • Not allowing you to learn the things you want or pursue the hobbies you liked.
  • Spouse and your in laws together blaming you frequently.
  • Not giving you respect or not valuing your feelings or thoughts.
  • Things like criticizing your parents or family etc.

Verbal Abuse: There are morons who never care what they speak to others. Yet if they are harshly spoken to, they just create a big drama out of it. Verbal abuse really pinches in the heart. No wonder tongue is mightier than a sword.

Some signs of verbal abuse include:

  • Calling you insulting names.
  • Humiliating you with bad words.
  • Insulting you in front of family and friends.
  • Telling silly jokes to others which hurt you.
  • Deliberately passing negative comments about things / people you love

Physical Abuse: The most widely known abuse is physical one a.k.a domestic violence. When your partner or in-laws in anyway have hurt you physically it comes under physical violence. This kind of behavior is outrageous and the victim should seek the help of the police immediately. Fortunately, there are certain laws that are in favor of women suffering from physical abuse.

Some kinds of physical violence include:

  • Hitting.
  • Pushing hard.
  • Pinching.
  • Biting.
  • Slapping.
  • Throwing things.
  • Slapping.
  • Pulling your hair.
  • Spitting on you.
  • Burning you with cigars etc

Some Others kinds of Abuse:

  • Intentionally preventing you from getting a job.
  • Threatening to divorce you, commit suicide etc.
  • Insulting your parents about their financial status or dowry.
  • Blaming you as the cause of bad luck in the family.
  • Demanding sex or forcing you to have kids.
  • Forcing you to earn money for the household.
  • Not letting you own the money you earn.
  • Preventing you from visiting your parents.
  • Criticizing you about your physical appearance, education degree you hold, the culture you grew up in, the way you dress etc.

Are you abused in any way mentioned or not mentioned above? Or do you feel you have something to say on this article? Then feel free comment below.