Remember the Jennifer Lopez starred movie, “Monster In¬ law,” where an enthusiastic Lopez has to wrestle with the crafty ministrations of her sly mother-in-law, played by Jane Fonda? Well, truth can be stranger than fiction, and if your mother-in-law happens to share an alarming similarity with Fonda’s character, it’s time to keep her on her toes. How to do so? Take a quick sneak peek at the article.
One tiny point worth noting
Though you may be religiously tempted at times to vanish your foul tormentor, yet reckon in earnest, even the hardest of hearts can melt, significantly when there occasions a careful infusion of a bizarre potion. Now to analyze this truth, the entire matter under three subheadings:
- The oppressing sign that depicts how she hates you for no reason
- The underlying agony as to why she hates you
- The probable solution regarding how to deal with her
She’s illogically competitive: From downloading recipes from the internet to churning goodies for dear son, to feigning extra sick when you are running a high fever, she is determined to outdo you in all.
Why does she hate you
She’s insecure to the core. Deep within her is an ominous anxiousness of your ceremonious entry into her son’s routine life, where, till then she has reigned supreme. Wary of losing ground, she pushes herself into petty power struggles.
What to do
Relax. Life is not a boxing ring. Give your power hungry mother in law the assurance that she would always hold the same cherished position in her adorable son’s life, no matter what happens. Let her win and celebrate her triumph with more gusto than she could ever dream of, such that she concedes that she is an aging princess in your world too.
You are pregnant and she’s hardly bothered: No matter whether you are feeling uneasy or have been working for a stretch, she is hardly helpful.
Why does she hate you
At times age compels the mind to retreat into a self-imposed shell, occurring a long-harbored depression; a resignation from all worldly woes after which even significant events lose their relevance. Thus, your mother-in-law probably has lost the impetus to be a part of your struggle.
How to help her
Make an attempt to pull her back into life, goad her into viewing a good movie at times or insist upon visiting the doctor with her. If situations worsen, discuss with your husband.
She’s relentlessly criticizing: She inflates your smallest follies to unimaginable proportions and seldom misses a chance to snub you rudely.
The pleasing fact that you have been loved and accepted by her son does not warranty that your revered mother-in-law would fall for you head over heels. That she is bent upon slashing you verbally, reflects her inherent disapproval of you; she employs assault as a tool to please her disconcerted self.
How to deal with it
Realize early that each of you is fundamentally different and as such harbor dissimilar expectations. But both of your lives revolve around the same man. Hence, stoically digest her ratings, refrain from being impolite; your unyielding patience is bound to melt her stubborn heart.
She’s depressingly rigid: She never seems to accede to your propositions.
Why is she doing this
Advanced age at times, can induce a host of uninvited and weird conditions, one such undoubtedly being the self-pleasing feeling of being always right. Consequently, when your hateful mother-in-law tends to be determinately uncompromising, discern that it’s her age that’s probably making her sound that she’d not change.
Once you have grasped this revolting truth, like a skilled diplomat, plan your actions such that a little bit of both hers and your wishes remain. Try to win her over with warm requests rather than forceful decisions. Ask for her opinion and try to place her preferences first. She possesses, after all, a mother’s heart, and hence can hardly remain hostile to your warmth.
She’s perpetually interfering: Whether it’s a long awaited meeting with a childhood buddy or your husband has planned a weekend trip, she has to poke her unfeeling nose and announce her resolute “no” in everything.
What makes her interfere
She’s a loner and desperately seeks attention, hardly comprehending how her gestures undermine her importance.
What to do
Have candid discussions with her just as you would have with your mother. Let the relation bloom naturally and if that involves a few sacrifices initially, be responsive. You must be familiar with the saying, “slow and steady wins the race.” Be convincingly slow and steady in trying to make her your second best friend; it’s sure to work.
Now, dear friends, there may be other traits, different stories, but you see, escape is hardly the answer. Hence, treat the relationship as the second phase of childhood, with dear mother-in-law as your stern class teacher. Just as you probably finished off your homework on time to avoid punishment, here too, do a bit of oiling such that the corrosive rust of all her vices gets off fast.