A baby is a huge commitment in life. If you want to enjoy your pregnancy and your motherhood to the fullest, then its read on some questions to ask yourself before you plan for a kid. After all, being a mother is one of the best and most precious gifts given to women by nature. Make sure you that the wonderful time doesn’t sink in tears or burn in anger.
Are you ready to take a 24 X 7 commitment everyday for at least 2-3 years?
If you are a celebrity and have maids to help you all the while, then its not a big deal. But a normal mother should be willing to give “all of her time” after her baby is born. At least for a good two or three years, your major priority is going to be your baby. Are you prepared to be patient and committed?
Do you have a good relationship with your husband?
If you and your husband are bickering at each other and arguing every other day, then the time may not be wise to have a kid. Don’t assume that your bond will improve when the kid arrives. Don’t fool yourself by thinking that your husband will change after you give birth. Unfortunately, things don’t happen that way. Solve your issues before you plan your pregnancy.
Do you have people to help you?
If you are not living in a joint family, but with your husband in a different place, then see whether you have people to help you out through birth, labor and post pregnancy. The best thing is to have your mom, and the second best is your mom-in-law. See that you have got someone to help you out for at least 4-6 months.
Are you emotionally sensitive?
If yes, then make an effort to be mentally strong. This might look as a silly problem now, but with the drastic hormonal changes and hours of labor/surgical pains, you might feel not like a mom, but like a baby-making machine. All the while during your pregnancy, you’ll be the center of attraction anywhere you go, but the moment you give birth, all the focus would be shifted to your baby. Your defenses may be low and mind may be more prone to become an emotional atom-bomb. SO if you are already a sensitive girl, make an effort to become strong. Learn meditation, try self-hypnosis, join yoga, let nothing shake your peace of mind.
Do you have a good relationship with your in laws?
Make sure you do. Although your in-laws may feel so proud when you are pregnant, they may keep pestering you for little things now and then. Your sibling-in-laws might feel bitter that you gather attention wherever you go, and they may try to poke you. Or may be mother-in-laws become more jealous that your husband’s attention is now totally on you and they might become jealous too. These little things are common. But if you have a good relationship with them from the beginning, they might not want to upset you (your unborn baby)
Are you financially secure?
Of course, this is an obvious one. Once the bundle of joy joins the family, bundles of currency disappear under the names of diapers, doctor visits, vaccines, toys, clothes, naming ceremony, birthdays, play-school and so on. So make sure it wont be a burden on your home once the baby arrives. Starting saving from now.
Is your biological clock ticking?
The perfect time for a women to get pregnant is between 20 to 33 years. The risk of miscarriages, down-syndrome babies are more once you cross 35. Of course, there are exceptions like Aishwarya Rai, who had a healthy pregnancy, normal delivery and a cute daughter at the age 37. However, Aishwarya Rai’s diet and lifestyle was (and remains to be) extremely well-balanced and disciplined. A celebrity however risks things, have loads of money and are extremely career oriented, so that’s a different case. So, unless you are a celebrity yourself, keep your age in mind and act.
Are you ready for a temporary sacrifice of your romance?
Yes, you should be sacrificing your romantic dinner dates, movie outings and trekking for a while. At least a good 15 months. Your kid needs lot of care from you. (S)he is entirely dependent on you, so make sure you have enough memories with your husband before you plan a family. Or at least, go on a second honeymoon before you plan to become pregnant.
Is anyone forcing you?
A common thing in Indian families is that once you get married, the elders start giving hints on how desperately they need a grandchild. After the first anniversary, a slight pressure starts from their side. Most of their phone calls from in-laws end with saying “Its time to have a kid”. And after the second anniversary, things become worse and they start demanding a kid from you as if its their right. Just because some old lady in your family gave birth to her son when she was 16, doesn’t mean that you should. Don’t plan kids because someone’s forcing you to. After all, they just play with the kid once a while and have fun, but its a huge responsibility on your shoulders. Even if your husband forces you to for this, explain him.
Are you okay with relatives pouring in and out?
Trust me, people come from time to time to visit your kid. This is all the more true in closely knit families. You have to endure continuous relatives pouring in and out for a good 6 months. If you like to be alone in your own company or if you are not used to so many people knocking the door continuously, then it may be time to think of an alternative or a compromise. This is one of the important questions to ask yourself before you plan for a kid, and which is ignored by so many people.
Can you withstand criticism?
Yes, you heard me right. Can you withstand the criticism that may come from the society and in-laws?
“My daughter is better at taking care of her baby than you do with yours.”,
“Your co-sister managed so well with her kid and household work”,
“That’s not the way to feed the baby”,
“The baby is sick and you are not taking any care.”
“You have put on weight, god!”
And not to mention, all the unwanted advice given by people make you feel like a worthless lump! Learn to ignore criticism, learn to deal with unwanted advice, learn to enjoy precious moments with your baby. Don’t let anything else effect you.
These may look silly, but keep your hormones in mind, Little things can get to you. So be strong and practice meditation, yoga etc.