I have died every day waiting for you

Darling don’t be afraid; I have loved you for a thousand years

As Christina Peri’s  renowned song resonates, we are blissfully drifted into surreal realms of wistful thinking, and our entire being desperately longs to savor in our thirsty souls that coveted emotion called love. Love encompasses a world of myriad passions; be it in the flushes of youth or after. Nonetheless, it determines the blooming of a secured bond that is all the more relevant after marriage.

What if you are living with a selfish spouse

Though all marriages claim to have been forged in heaven, the liabilities of compatibility, sacrifice, fidelity that such a lifelong partnership unwaveringly features, are conditioned only by the husband and wife. It is their commitment, their outlook towards their bond that paves its destiny. But what if the spouse is perpetually selfish? What if he is obsessed solely with his preferences?

We take a solemn oath to unearth the signs, characteristics and ways of dealing with such a hard-hearted husband.

Is my husband selfish: Looking out for the signs

• He detests lending a helping hand with household chores: Having been mostly spoon fed in childhood, such a husband would hardly ponder over the aspect of sharing home duties.’ It’s after all your work, why should I bother? It is the unmindful retort he would give. Hence, along with being selfish, he is stubborn.
• Prioritizes his career and disregards yours: It is his job, his ambition, his ascendance that matters. You are simply to serve his needs. He is thus unsupportive in his approach.
• Is inconsiderate: The outings, the soaps on tv, the array of clothes in the closet are invariably of his paramount choice; you are just to share in his amusement, revel in it and be a mere spectator.
• Is irresponsible and utterly lazy: Nobody had taught him to straighten the bed sheets after leaving the bed, to dispose of his leftover food in the dustbin, to de-clutter his study table; consequently, you are in for trouble especially since he is unwilling to learn.
• Indifferent to emotions: Hugging you tightly before departure, surprising you with your favorite flowers occasionally or simply planting a hearty kiss after a hefty day would make him squirm; irrespective of how much you do or pine for.

Digging out the causes: Why is my husband so selfish?

Having relished being a Richie Rich kid: This occurs with parents having a single son. Unable to seize the reigns of their overwhelming passion, scarcely enforce any rule on their child. They pamper him, spoil him and aid him to grow self-centered, muddled up in their cocoons. Such husbands are willingly selfish, difficult to reason with and rigidly disrespectful.

Growing up amidst less vigilant parents: Those who had the benefit of whisking away every trivial or serious mischief during childhood would learn the art of manipulation well. Their parents had a ready set of rules but never strictly adhered to them. For such husbands, both conflict and being disrespectful would be common passé. Living with such husbands can be tough.

Difficulty coping with added responsibilities of marriage: When you get pregnant, such husbands hardly care to give a moment’s thought to the innumerable inconveniences faced by a would-be mother. They carry on with their respective hobbies and remain deaf to their wives. Consequently, they tend to be selfish fathers too.

Married to a selfish man can indeed make life difficult. However it is definitely not the end of the world; life can be still beautiful and forget the words of leaving or divorce. So pull up your sleeves dear, tired wives and let’s stop being a passive vegetable. Let’s see how they can be handled and how they can be taught not to be selfish.

How to deal with selfish husbands: Overcoming selfish behavior in marriage

• Cease being the weeping willow: It’s only when you stop having baseless excuses to conceal your husband’s abusive, domineering attitude that you pave the foundation of correcting your spouse.
• Bridge the wall of no communication: Indulge in conversations highlighting the fatal consequences of being selfish. Express how it hurts, repels and finally crumbles the relation.
• Avoid giving undue attention: Don’t be his maid in waiting. Help him to overcome his crippleness and be self-sufficient. After all, he just cannot be ungrateful to your million renderings.
• Never adopt the silent treatment: Remaining silent only allows your partner to be ignorant of the pain that you are undergoing. Hence, it is destructive to your relationship.

Everyone must be familiar with O’ Henry’s cult short story where poor Jim plaintively attempts to procure a smile of contentment on his wife Della’s face by selling off unflinchingly his most cherished possession, his wristband. As the blessed couple outdoes the mighty Magi’s in their unselfish gifts, we too heave a sigh of yearning; to relive such a heavenly experience. Alas, life is seldom so fulfilling!

Nonetheless, God always helps those who help themselves. Hence, not to worry, help might be on the way!