It is said that even the worst of the situations have a lesson hidden in it. The sensitive topic of mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationship needs no introduction. A bitter argument with an overbearing mother-in-law is quite easy to start but have you ever tried to see what life wants to to learn? Here are 12 of them. Feel free to add more of them in the comments section below.
I understand you!
I know what’s it’s like to be with a mother-in-law who is overbearing and narcissistic. I can understand the obstacles you face.
While not all mother-in-laws are unbearable, it’s a real headache if yours is not one of them. I have tried to list out some common problems faced by young wives and given possible solutions to them.
Indian mother in law and daughter in law relationship can be quite a complicated one because this is a power struggle between two women who are craving for the attention of a single man.
The Indian mother in law pretty much lived all her life in an orthodox family, totally dominated by her own mother in law, husband and elders of her family. Now, when her son gets married, finally she gets some time to stretch her legs and assume the role of the head of the house. She doesnt hesitate to dominating her daughter in law, believing that she has the right to do so. Continue reading
Here are nine signs that you and your mother in law are going through a cold-war phase and your relationship is totally ruined.Continue reading
This article is a part of The Complete Guide to Dealing with your Mother-in-law – Chapter Thirteen
When was the last time we were grateful to our mother-in-law?
Your husband wouldn’t even be on this planet if it weren’t for your mother in law. Lets face it. She’s his mother and knows him the best. She took all the pain to bring him up for what he’s today. If your husband supports you, and treats you with respect, then you owe a lot to her.
Trust me, she may be jealous of you that her son is now your man. She may be bitter, she may offend you, but all these actions are only a result of the fear. She treats you as a part of your family. And deep inside she loves you. And once she is sure that you are no harm to her family, she expresses her love in a very surprising way and becomes possessive over you just as she is possessive over her son 😀 She loves to see her son happy and hence makes sure you are happy as well.
She loves your kids and makes a good grand mother. Remember your childhood moments with your own granny. The fairy tales, the gifts and the cuddle. You still cherish those moments, don’t you?. Be grateful to your mother-in-law because she will make sure to give your kids a great time and they cherish their memories when they grow up.
Are you grateful to your mother in law? Feel free to comment below
Yes, I know it hurts!
It hurts to be downsized. It’s the worst problem any wife can face.
It hurts when your most favorite, respected and adored soulmate gives importance to another woman!
But the question is: Is there a solution to this?
There’s nothing wrong with Mama boys except the fact that they place their mom’s happiness before yours, gives her a bigger priority.
Before you give up and lose hope, understand that your mama boys are great husbands and they don’t hate you. Either they are ignorant or dominated. With little patience and tact, you can once again enjoy your married life with your husband.
As much as you want your husband to change, understand it is easy to change yourself rather than forcing him to change.
Don’t try to get your husband hate his mom. Its not going to work. Instead, work on being yourself. Love him and give him sweet surprises. Make him understand that he is living his rest of his life with you and not his mom.
Work on your priorities:
- Become Financially independent:The first advice I give is: Don’t depend on your husband or in-laws for money. Get a job. A financially independent women is less prone to abuse from her husband and in-laws. Make your husband see that you are not worthless. And have a separate bank account. Save some money for yourself.
- Define your own priorities:Don’t let your husband or mother in law dominate you at any cost. Be respectful and polite but have your own priorities. Don’t make your mother in law your first priority just because your husband forces you. Your peace of mind and happiness are your primary priorities. Join a yoga class, learn meditation, get busy with your job, have fun with a hobby.
- Don’t make sacrifices for them:Many women sacrifice things in a hope that their husbands will change. But they dont realise that he wont change unless he realizes. And your sacrifices will have nothing to do with his realization. Be yourself. It may take time but your husband will learn to accept who you are. Don’t change your identity.
- Deal with emotional abuse:If your husband and MIL together bully you, be firm and stand up for your rights. Let them know that you respect them as long as you receive respect you. Let them know that you don’t stand any sort of domination.
- Being tactful:Don’t express your hatred. Be kind and corteous to people, help them, go out on dinners, laugh together and let them know that you love them. Let your husband know that you are polite as long as you they treat you decently. Let him understand that you are an independent lady. Once again, be yourself.
Work on your husband:
Now there are some steps you have to take in order to make your marriage work. You have to learn to deal with your husband with care and patience.
- Impress him:And don’t go the wrong way impressing your husband. Don’t become like his mother to impress him! NEVER. Instead, give him sweet surprises. Give him occasional treats. Tell him ‘I love you’ often and mean it. Send him sweet sms like ‘thinking of you, miss you, love you etc.’ For no reason, pull him into your bedroom and kiss him. Make him understand that you love him more than anyone else.
- Taking breaks:Home-office-Home-office routine is going to tire you out. Take a break. Go out on a weekend, or take a week off and go on a tour. Convince him to have a break. He may consult his mom about the vacation and she may deny, but encourage him to take decisions himself. Praise him, praise him a lot. Tell him that you want to spend some private time with him.
- Make new friends:Both of you get a membership in a club and make new friends. Hang out and have fun. See that your husband comes out of his mama-zone and enjoys social life. Let him see that there are other things too. I am not suggesting you to separate your husband and his mom. But its time to draw a boundary.
- Think before planning for kids:Don’t plan to have kids until you are ready. Kids take most of your time and energy. If things are not going too well between you and your husband, then having kids is not a great idea. Make sure you and your husband are all set for the role of parents before you plan.
- Talk to him:It may be tough, but tell your husband that you are having a tough time with his behavior. Tell him that, as a soul-mate, you should be undoubtedly his first priority. Encourage him to be independent. Express him that you love it when you both take decisions together. And be patient. He will take time to change.
- Move out:Try living in a different home if possible. Moving out will solve many things. Its not so easy, with your husband’s strings so attached to his parents. However, in some cases, this step may be necessary and when done, it can save your marriage.
There are extreme cases where husbands are ruthless to their wives. In spite of the above steps, if you are still being abused and given a priority of a slave, seek professional help or get a divorce.