It can be stated univocally that in many cases, successful sons or daughters carry with them the unrecognized tag of a domestic picture that is marked among other things by mutual compatibility of parents. Doesn’t ring a bell? Well, peep into the net. Our point of discussion, however, doesn’t revolve around blissful families.
Yes, you have got it. Our article pertains to those unfortunate homes where the family has to bear the volley of a torrent of expletives from a surly and grumpy husband; a husband who is hopelessly verbally abusive.
What is verbal abuse
When a speaker resorts to a negative, defining remark to defame primarily his intended victim such that the victim is rendered non-existent, it embodies verbal abuse. Note that the verbal maiming can surface as loud ranting comprising mostly of accusations, explosive outpourings and at a degradable level, mean abuses; it can equally be the subtle piercing of emotional abuse that ruptures the heart with an abysmal wound without a trace of blood.
So all dear Eve’s, before surrendering yourselves to being consumed by the blazing embers of verbally abusive men or emotionally abusive husbands, just spare a microsecond to delve into these salient considerations. You might salvage a way.
Is my husband verbally abusive: Recognize the warning signs
The mentally abusive husband/foul critic: No matter how much painstaking effort you might take to illuminate his shamble-like life, he is forever sitting with a censoring microscope to magnify any wee mistake accounted for by you unmindfully. He might veil his emotional torturing with a good-natured sermon saying “It’s for your own good honey.” But read between the lines: he’s a manipulative master and is only putting you down, mind you.
The verbally abusive, angry husband/sullen loser: Resentment against the existing odds of life would presumably spur his delicate patience level setting him off like a shooting star that is likely to crash on you. Know for sure that he is verbally abusive when he blames you for his failure, yells at you or swears at you.
The verbally abusive narcissist husband/undisputed monarch: Promise yourself a tear-stained life if your spouse befits this category. He would willingly remain oblivious to your feelings, cringe from any discussion that bothers you and visibly triumph at making you whimper by his threats and accusations. He commands your pulse strings and knows there’s possibly no other retreat for you. Any defaming comment about your dressing style, your intelligence or opinion is considered the variant forms of verbal abuse. Chiefly volume and tone are raised to instill fear and intimidation.
The verbally abusive bipolar husband: A man having bipolar disorder may shower you with gifts at one moment and turn aggressively abusive at another. He might be full of vigor one day and become withdrawn the other. It may take years to decide that the diverse behavioral patterns symbolize a disorder that needs treatment.
Why is my husband abusive?
A distorted childhood: Many boys grow up basking upon an unhealthy domestic life with a predominantly domineering father hurling abuses on a timid forgiving mother. It tends to pollute the naïve mind with a mistaken notion of bullying. They justify their verbal abuses surmising that it’s normal; a reflection of machismo that can be best exhibited before a submissive partner.
Failure to embrace reality: The inherent impulse to be satisfied in life can turn a man hostile and frustrated if his expectations don’t match reality. And who else to pour the mounting discontent of the heart than the one closest in a relationship, his wife. Forceful subjugation through abuses imparts a cathartic effect on his pronounced powerlessness.
The stab of marriage: Many women lament,” My husband is not as he used to be, he verbally abuses me now.” Marriage is a potent concoction that can metamorphose a seemingly pleasant boyfriend to an unresponsive, complaining husband. You may be bowled over in discovering that post marriage he’s sarcastic, manipulative and woe befall, his reprimanding shamelessly disguises a blooming jealousy. Marriage represents responsibility, sacrifice, an adjustment which most men find hard to get committed to.
Prospective life changes like a pregnancy: The approach of a baby may cloud a would-be father’s mind with anxiety about money with high chances that he becomes mentally depressed and grumpy.
How to deal with the problem: Coping with verbal abuse in marriage
Do not indulge in a cat fight: His gibes might slash you, maim you but try not to vent your fury when your spouse verbally abuses you. Your defenses would only add fuel to his agenda and intensify his brawl. As much composed as you can manage, respond to it by explicitly pointing how distressed you feel that he is angry but firmly assert that you entertain different views than him.
Restore your respect: Mould your logical mind into clearly fathoming that you demand as much respect as your spouse when entwined in a lifelong bond of marriage. He is cunningly mishandling his demeanor by being nastily abusive. When he blatantly calls you names, humiliates you in seclusion or in a company, drag him to his senses with a polite admonition that you ought to be treated with respect. Notwithstanding, leave him for some time to ruminate on his actions. Once calmed, he would want you back.
Seek counseling: To tackle the issue of how to handle such verbally abusive men, one can always grab the helping hand of a counselor and get necessary advice from him. Seek professional help if you find yourself trapped with either a verbally abusive ex-husband or a bipolar alcoholic one. Better still, if you repeatedly confront abuse from him, approach women’s cell in the local police station where you can lodge a complaint.
“I hate my verbally abusive husband” – The final step
If the relationship is on the brink of wreckage or if your abusive husband insists on a divorce, start your account, inform your closest friends and have an initial discussion with a lawyer. If he has already left, summon your spirits and start afresh.
Verbal abuse is the fatal poison that slowly eats away the very rudiments of marriage. Often, women knowingly accept it; after all, a considerable phase is exhausted in digesting that it is the same individual with whom she had dreamt of braving the obstacles, who is now mean towards her. After recovering from the stupor, she becomes wary; pressing realities like insecurity, embarrassment, dependency make her indecisive. Consequently, peaceful reconciliation appears feasible than resentment resulting in recurrent forgiving.
“My love is like a red, red rose,” no, we seldom want our husbands to be such eloquent in expression. But the ability to talk and convey emotions through speech forms the unique, choicest blessing conferred upon humanity by God. Why waste it, dear husbands?