Yes, I know it hurts!
It hurts to be downsized. It’s the worst problem any wife can face.
It hurts when your most favorite, respected and adored soulmate gives importance to another woman!
But the question is: Is there a solution to this?
There’s nothing wrong with Mama boys except the fact that they place their mom’s happiness before yours, gives her a bigger priority.
Before you give up and lose hope, understand that your mama boys are great husbands and they don’t hate you. Either they are ignorant or dominated. With little patience and tact, you can once again enjoy your married life with your husband.
As much as you want your husband to change, understand it is easy to change yourself rather than forcing him to change.
Don’t try to get your husband hate his mom. Its not going to work. Instead, work on being yourself. Love him and give him sweet surprises. Make him understand that he is living his rest of his life with you and not his mom.
Work on your priorities:
- Become Financially independent:The first advice I give is: Don’t depend on your husband or in-laws for money. Get a job. A financially independent women is less prone to abuse from her husband and in-laws. Make your husband see that you are not worthless. And have a separate bank account. Save some money for yourself.
- Define your own priorities:Don’t let your husband or mother in law dominate you at any cost. Be respectful and polite but have your own priorities. Don’t make your mother in law your first priority just because your husband forces you. Your peace of mind and happiness are your primary priorities. Join a yoga class, learn meditation, get busy with your job, have fun with a hobby.
- Don’t make sacrifices for them:Many women sacrifice things in a hope that their husbands will change. But they dont realise that he wont change unless he realizes. And your sacrifices will have nothing to do with his realization. Be yourself. It may take time but your husband will learn to accept who you are. Don’t change your identity.
- Deal with emotional abuse:If your husband and MIL together bully you, be firm and stand up for your rights. Let them know that you respect them as long as you receive respect you. Let them know that you don’t stand any sort of domination.
- Being tactful:Don’t express your hatred. Be kind and corteous to people, help them, go out on dinners, laugh together and let them know that you love them. Let your husband know that you are polite as long as you they treat you decently. Let him understand that you are an independent lady. Once again, be yourself.
Work on your husband:
Now there are some steps you have to take in order to make your marriage work. You have to learn to deal with your husband with care and patience.
- Impress him:And don’t go the wrong way impressing your husband. Don’t become like his mother to impress him! NEVER. Instead, give him sweet surprises. Give him occasional treats. Tell him ‘I love you’ often and mean it. Send him sweet sms like ‘thinking of you, miss you, love you etc.’ For no reason, pull him into your bedroom and kiss him. Make him understand that you love him more than anyone else.
- Taking breaks:Home-office-Home-office routine is going to tire you out. Take a break. Go out on a weekend, or take a week off and go on a tour. Convince him to have a break. He may consult his mom about the vacation and she may deny, but encourage him to take decisions himself. Praise him, praise him a lot. Tell him that you want to spend some private time with him.
- Make new friends:Both of you get a membership in a club and make new friends. Hang out and have fun. See that your husband comes out of his mama-zone and enjoys social life. Let him see that there are other things too. I am not suggesting you to separate your husband and his mom. But its time to draw a boundary.
- Think before planning for kids:Don’t plan to have kids until you are ready. Kids take most of your time and energy. If things are not going too well between you and your husband, then having kids is not a great idea. Make sure you and your husband are all set for the role of parents before you plan.
- Talk to him:It may be tough, but tell your husband that you are having a tough time with his behavior. Tell him that, as a soul-mate, you should be undoubtedly his first priority. Encourage him to be independent. Express him that you love it when you both take decisions together. And be patient. He will take time to change.
- Move out:Try living in a different home if possible. Moving out will solve many things. Its not so easy, with your husband’s strings so attached to his parents. However, in some cases, this step may be necessary and when done, it can save your marriage.
There are extreme cases where husbands are ruthless to their wives. In spite of the above steps, if you are still being abused and given a priority of a slave, seek professional help or get a divorce.